American Red, White & Blue
before the funeral services,
undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
old was your husband?'
she replied, 'Two years older than me'
you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
responded , 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the
reporter asked. She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
nice thing about being senile is You can hide your own Easter
sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
knees, fought cancer and diabetes.
hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
40 different medications that
me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
bouts with dementia...
feel my hands and feet anymore.
remember if I'm 89 or 98.
lost all my friends. But, thank God,
still have my driver's license.
feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
I got my doctor's permission to
a fitness club and start exercising.
decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for
by the time I got my leotards on, The class was over.
memory's not as sharp as it used to be
my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
how to prevent sagging?
eat till the wrinkles fill out.
scary when you start making the same noises
your coffee maker.
days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says,
me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
good fortune to run into the ones I do,
the eyesight to tell the difference...
don't stop laughing because you grow old,
grow old because you stop laughing!!!
EVER LET IT SLIP AWAY!!!!
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