Patriotic
American Red, White & Blue
Christian
Soldiers
Cross
of
Jesus Necklace
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Just
before the funeral services,
the
undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How
old was your husband?'
'98,'
she replied, 'Two years older than me'
'So
you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She
responded , 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporter
interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And
what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the
reporter asked. She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
The
nice thing about being senile is You can hide your own Easter
eggs.
I've
sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement,
New
knees, fought cancer and diabetes.
I'm
half blind,
Can't
hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take
40 different medications that
Make
me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have
bouts with dementia...
Have
poor circulation;
Hardly
feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't
remember if I'm 89 or 98.
Have
lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I
still have my driver's license.
I
feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
So
I got my doctor's permission to
Join
a fitness club and start exercising.
I
decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I
bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for
an hour.,.
But,
by the time I got my leotards on, The class was over.
My
memory's not as sharp as it used to be
Also,
my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know
how to prevent sagging?
Just
eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's
scary when you start making the same noises
as
your coffee maker.
These
days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says,
"For
fast relief"
THE
SENILITY PRAYER:
Grant
me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The
good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and
the eyesight to tell the difference...
Always
Remember This:
You
don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You
grow old because you stop laughing!!!
LOVE
IS PRECIOUS;
DON'T
EVER LET IT SLIP AWAY!!!!
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