1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk
ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me
either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken
fan belt.
3. It's always darkest just before dawn. So if you're
going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time
to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you
can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone
else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing
a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in
their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a
mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for
you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him
how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all
day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person
again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember
anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the
windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in
half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and
a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither
one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your
lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after
you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill
and a laxative on the same night.
