American Red, White & Blue
In the beginning, God created
the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with
broccoli, cauliflower, and spinach, green and yellow and red
vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and
Then using God's great gifts, Satan
created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts.
And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"
Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long
as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10
pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the
healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the
figure that Man
found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the
wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman
went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my
fresh green salad." And Satan presented
Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the
God then said, "I have sent you heart
healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried
steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more
weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel
Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then
created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
then brought forth running shoes so that His children might
lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a
remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the
channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the
flickering blue light and gained pounds.
brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming
with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and
sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And
Man gained ten pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that
Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his
appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?"
And Man replied, "Yes! and super size them!" And
Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac
God sighed and created quadruple bypass
surgery. Then Satan created HMO's
Thought for the day
......There is more money being spent on breast implants and
Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by
2040, there should be a large elderly population with
impressive features and absolutely no recollection of what to
do with them.
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