Regardless of make or year,
all units known as "human beings" are being recalled
by the Manufacturer.
This is due to a
malfunction in the original prototype units code named "Adam"
and "Eve" resulting in the reproduction of the same
defect in all subsequent units. This defect is technically
termed, "Serious Internal Non-morality," but more
commonly known as "SIN."
Some of the symptoms
of the SIN defect:
[a] Loss of direction
[b] Lack of peace and
joy
[c] Depression
[d] Foul vocal
emissions
[e] Selfishness
[f] Ingratitude
[g] Fearfulness
[h] Rebellion
[i] Jealousy
The Manufacturer is
providing factory authorized repair service free of charge to
correct the SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus Christ, has
most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the
staggering cost of these repairs.
To repeat, there is
no fee required. The number to call for repair in all areas is:
P-R-A-Y-E-R.
Once connected please
upload the burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next,
download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Christ, into the
heart component of the human unit.
No matter how big or
small the SIN defect is, Christ will replace it with:
[a] Love
[b] Joy
[c] Peace
[d] Kindness
[e] Goodness
[f] Faithfulness
[g] Gentleness
[h] Patience
[I] Self-control
Please see the
operating manual, HOLY BIBLE, for further details on the use of
these fixes.
As an added upgrade,
the Manufacturer has made available to all repaired units a
facility enabling direct monitoring and assistance from the
resident Maintenance Technician, the Holy Ghost. Repaired units
need only make Him welcome and He will take up residence on the
premises.
WARNING:
Continuing to operate a human being unit without corrections
voids the Manufacturer's warranty, exposing the unit to dangers
and problems too numerous to list, and will ultimately result in
the human unit being incinerated.
Thank you for your
immediate attention.
Please assist by
notifying others of this important recall notice!
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