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Regardless
of make or year, all units known as "human beings"
are being recalled by the Manufacturer.
This
is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code
named "Adam" and "Eve"
resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all
subsequent units. This defect is technically termed, "Serious
Internal Non-morality," but more commonly known as
"SIN."
Some
of the symptoms of the SIN defect:
[a]
Loss of direction [b]
Lack of peace and joy [c]
Depression [d]
Foul vocal emissions [e]
Selfishness [f]
Ingratitude [g]
Fearfulness [h]
Rebellion [i]
Jealousy
The
Manufacturer is providing factory authorized repair service
free of charge to correct the SIN defect. The Repair
Technician, Jesus Christ, has most generously offered to bear
the entire burden of the staggering cost of these
repairs.
To
repeat, there is no fee required. The number to call for
repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.
Once
connected please upload the burden of SIN through the
REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the
Repair Technician, Christ, into the heart component of the
human unit.
No
matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Christ will
replace it with:
[a]
Love [b]
Joy [c]
Peace [d]
Kindness [e]
Goodness [f]
Faithfulness [g]
Gentleness [h]
Patience [I]
Self-control
Please
see the operating manual, HOLY BIBLE, for further details on
the use of these fixes.
As
an added upgrade, the Manufacturer has made available to all
repaired units a facility enabling direct monitoring and
assistance from the resident Maintenance Technician, the Holy
Ghost. Repaired units need only make Him welcome and He will
take up residence on the premises.
WARNING:
Continuing to operate a human being unit without corrections
voids the Manufacturer's warranty, exposing the unit to
dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will
ultimately result in the human unit being incinerated.
Thank
you for your immediate attention.
Please
assist by notifying others of this important recall notice!
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